Hawaii

This is an ocean. It is one of a set of seven. This is the Pacific Ocean, which Hawaiians like to call the East and West Hawaiian Oceans. Really, though, they call it that*. That's all I know about Hawaii, excluding the following items:

1. Ukuleles,
2. Tourist Hatred,
3. Something Else.

And, of course, Queen Lili'uokalani. She's pretty much the most famous Hawaiian I can think of, other than that big guy** who died in '97. Like you do. Anyway, I was going somewhere with this.

Right: So, that pic of the big blue was taken from Santa Monica Blvd and Ocean. In Downtown Santa Monica -- meaning 3rd Street Promenade, et al. -- they have fancy crosswalks that tell you how many seconds you have to transverse the street, and some of them speak to you. The Ocean one does, but its very static-y, so the various messages create a atmosphere much like the Beaches of Normandy. When it's red, the thing screams, "Wait! Wait! Wait!" Then, when it goes green, it starts saying "Ocean," but because it is so garbled, it sounds, "Oh, Shit! Oh, Shit! Oh, Shit!" and then it starts counting down, "Ten! Nine! Eight!" and some other numbers aiming down, where it flips back to, "Wait!" some more. It's enough to give you a freakin' heart attack ***.

*Not really

** I'm talking about famous Ukulelist Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. He did a Somewhere Over The Rainbow/ What a Wonderful World medley, which was in 50 First Dates and a Rice Crispies commercial. He also ate a lot.

*** Not Really.