Coca-Cola Fridge Pack

This is the Coca-Cola Fridge Pack. I like to pretend that the back of the box (pictured) is made of glass, so you can see into it.

I also like to pretend that the high fructose corn syrup (not pictured) won't kill me. Because, that would basically be the worst funeral since the foundation of the funeral casa.

"Ashes to Ashes.
Dust to Dust.
High-fructose corn syrup
Was his life-ending lust.
Amen."

That would suck. Nobody would go to that funeral. To get people to come, I would have to entice them with some sort of gimmick... perhaps something to the effect of a coffin with me painted on the top so as to fool people into believing they're gazing upon a glass casket!! People would be talking about that like I was a Dave Chappelle skit with Lil Jon in it.

Do you know Lil Jon's real name? Johnathan Smith. Which can be reduced to John Smith -- Hello? John Smith of Jamestown? Pocahontas? Basically, I was trying to home in on Jamestown, which is related to me, as my name is James. Read the about me. It talks all about it. If you know what I'm saying. And you do. I mean, if you've gotten this far in the article and you don't know what I'm saying, then you're retarded.

Really, though. If you don't know what I'm saying, you are likely to be retarded. You should really get that checked out. It is a pretty serious condition. According to Wikipedia, it has symptoms including,

• having trouble speaking
• finding it hard to remember things
• having trouble understanding social rules
• having trouble discerning cause and effect
• finding the need to blog

I like Coca-Cola.